p.1 Everyone needs resilience, because one thing is certain, life includes adversities... if you
increase your resilience, you can overcome most of what life puts in your way... Where you fall on the resilience
curve - your natural reserves of resilience - affects your performance in school and at work... It
is the basic ingredient to happiness and success.
p.13-14 1. Learning your ABCs.... We'll teach you to "listen" to your thoughts, to identify what you say
to yourself when faced with a challenge, and to understand how your thoughts affect your feelings and behavior...
2. Avoiding thinking traps... When faced with adversity, people regularly make eight mistakes that undermine
resilience. We'll teach you to identify the ones you habitually make and how to correct them.
3. Detecting icebergs. Everyone has deeply held beliefs about how people and the world should operate and
who they are and want to be... Sometimes, however, these deep beliefs interfere with our ability to live the kind of
life we want, and they explain why we overreact to seemingly minor issues or have a hard time making what seem like simple
decisions. We'll teach you how to identify your deep beliefs and determine when they are working for you and when they are
working against you.
4. Challenging beliefs. A key component of resilience is problem solving. How effective
are you at solving the problems that you encounter day to day? ... We'll teach you how to test the accuracy of your beliefs
about problems and how to find solutions that work.
5. Putting it in perspective... We'll teach you how to stop the what-ifs so that you're better prepared
to deal with problems that really do exist or are most likely to occur.
6. Calming and focusing... We'll show you how to stay calm and focused when you're overwhelmed... so you
can concentrate on the task at hand...
7. Real-time resilience... We'll teach you a powerful skill so that you can quickly change your counterproductive
thoughts into more resilient ones - with immediate results.
p.59 Resilience, then, is the basic strength, underpinning all the positive characteristics
in a person's emotional and psychological makeup. A lack of resilience is the major cause of negative functioning. Without
resilience there is no courage, no rationality, no insight. It is the bedrock on which all else is built.
Some of us need more resilience just to get us out of the negatives. Others... want more resilience so they can flourish.
The skills you learn in this book can help you do both... Our research convinced us that thinking styles determined people's
resilience and that resilience determines how well they do in life.
p.62 All of our research, all of our consulting represents a response to a genuine need. Initially
our goal was to prevent depression in children at risk. We soon learned that the best way to do that was to boost their resilience.
This led to the discovery that resilience had much broader implications than depression, and as we responded
to these diverse needs, we realized that the unifying theme is resilience. Whether the goal is to
overcome depression, sell more insurance, or strengthen relationships - resilience is the key.
p.65 Insight is the first step of change, but it is not sufficient... insight alone is not enough. That's
why after you have learned the know thyself skills, we will teach you the four change skills. You'll learn to identify the
true causes of a problem and accurately assess where you have control to fix or recover from it. You'll learn how to keep
the implications of problems in perspective and how to fight back against your nonresilient beliefs in real time.
p.66 The foundation of the seven skills of resilience is built on the simple realization that our... behaviors
are triggered not by events themselves but by how we interpret those events. The first skill is Learning Your ABCs. Specifically,
it guides you to a greater understanding of the recurrent situations in which you are least resilient.
p.207-208 You can use three tag lines to help structure your responses as you learn Real-time Resilience...
[1] The phrase A more accurate way of seeing this is... will help structure your thinking...
[2] Using evidence to test out the accuracy of your beliefs is the second strategy... we recommend that
you help focus your thinking and fight the confirmation bias by starting your response with "That's not true because..."
The goal is to be as specific and detailed as possible...
[3] In Real-time Resilience, all you need to do is identify one of the most likely outcomes and
one step you can take to deal with it. This is easier if you start your response with "A more likely outcome
is... and I can..."
