p.3 I'm a professional problem solver
p.7 Getting Unstuck isn't going to make you deliriously happy immediately. But
it will teach you to be effective and focused - not because you've memorized some catchy slogans,
but because you've learned a new way to think about conflict, problem solving, moving on, and getting unstuck...
Prepare to learn to fish, not get fed.
p.8 Let's get unstuck.
p.10 Most of us spend way too much time being consumed by stuff that's already happened. Obsessing
about the past is never going to change it; and while it allows us to see where we've been, the past isn't a roadmap
for the future.
p.11 So, the first and most important service I provide for my callers is to get them unstuck. I do that
by asking: "What's your question?" ... Demanding a question is my version of a wake-up call, a splash of cold water... almost
all of my callers elicit this same question from me... Tell me what it is you want - not what's bothering you.
What's your question, not what's your problem.
p.13 A question is a focus, a statement of uncertainty... To get unstuck, something has to change.
p.14 When something's bothering you, instead of staying stuck and bemoaning your cruel
fate, shift your focus to what can be done to change the situation. This simple time shift from past to present
will have a positive impact on your life and the world around you, and will improve your life immediately.
p.15 The first and most important thing I can do for a person is to help them reclaim their power - or their
responsibility - to restore the ability to respond, to act!
The ancient Stoic philosophers had responsibility down to a science... They were constantly
thinking What's my next move?
p.16 Playing it forward is an incredibly helpful tool. The concept is as simple as understanding
that each and every one of our actions has consequences. When we shift forward to assess various possibilities, we
can begin to understand the effects our behavior will have. Then our choices and decisions are based on something
other than blind luck.
p.17 Let's look at your possibilities here, Cynthia. Life is like a game of chess: For every move
you make, your opponent makes a counter-move. In order to get what you want and win the game, you can figure your opponent's
reactions into your moves by playing situations forward. Everyday problems can benefit from the same degree of intense
scrutiny and concentration as well.
p.19 Left unchecked, the game of "what if" can be as much of a trap as never asking the question at all...
One of my favorite sayings is, "When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." This means that when you're unsure, play
the odds - go for the most probable scenario first, with the least probable bringing up the rear... In horse
racing, the oddsmakers do the research and figure out each horse's chances, but in real life, you get to do the analysis and
be your own handicapper.
p.20 You will get unstuck if you accept that the past is gone and the future is a dream - one is
history, the other mystery. All we can change is the present. Focusing on the future to
the exclusion of the present is incredibly dangerous.
p.20 the value of insight lies entirely in its potential to effect positive, constructive action.
There's no such thing as insight for insight's sake - sooner or later, you've got to do something, move, and get on with it.
p.30 This chapter is all about breaking free of destructive patterns. By definition, patterns are
things that we do over and over again, usually without awareness
p.47 Patterns may be more evident over time if you can see them in black and white - writing focuses
most of us far better than just thinking can.
p.52 Of course, being a scientist, I was trained to observe - to coolly assess a situation without judgment.
p.52 To analyze you must be calm and unemotional... try "What's going on here?" Once you understand
what's going on, you can begin to process why it's happening and what you can do about it... in
order to decide what to do in a productive way, you've got to achieve some sort of rationality, a degree of impartiality,
objectivity, and balance... that begins with a sense of what the situation is by understanding who you are, since you're the
filter through which all experience passes.
p.79 Perspective - standing in and being aware of the moment, using the past, understanding the present,
and looking forward - offers a rational, thoughtful answer to life's eternal question: "What am I gonna do now?"
p.81 The value lies in thinking, How would I spend my precious time? What's most important to
me? ... The point is that once you become aware of what means the most to you, you're less likely to
put off something that's really valuable for something that matters much less... it's knowing the difference between
what's important and what isn't that allows us to solve problems effectively. [JLJ - this concept might
help in steering search efforts in playing a game]
p.91 Changing what you're doing is a great way to alter your perspective through behavior. I'm a great fan
of trying something different, of temporarily doing the polar opposite just to see what happens.
p.106 All of us make assumptions, but we're seldom aware of them... We just need to question the assumptions
that get us in trouble.
Dangerous assumptions are based on a little bit of data leading to a giant leap, followed by a completely
unreasonable conclusion.
p.139 All of us need to be both tacticians and strategists in our lives. Tacticians decide
what to do next; strategists decide what to do when there's nothing you can do.
p.143 Now the only way to get to the point where you can turn strategy into tactic is to make your strategy
as specific as possible... when you're thinking about strategy and tactics, write "Be more Specific" at the top of
your mental list, for specificity is the key to problem solving... Taking a huge challenge and making it small is
the secret to effective problem solving, and the only way to do that is to be as specific as possible... [the author became
useful to clients by] helping people figure out both strategy and tactic.
p.146 When you're confronted with a problem... ask yourself, "Is there something I can do here?" The emphasis
is on the "I"
p.146 In misdiagnosing the problem, you'll miss the difference between the things you can and can't change.
p.152-153 part of getting what you want is making sure that you actually still want it.
Every once in a while, you have to stop to redefine you goals so that you're not blindly striving for something that may have
been meaningful to you in the past, but has long since ceased to matter... This is what we have to remember about goals
- they're dynamic and fluid.
p.157 I'd like you to put down this book for a day or two and spend some time really thinking about your
goals and how you hope to achieve them...
- A strategy is a mind-set or an idea about how you'll accomplish your objective.
- Tactics are behaviors that stem from your strategies.
- Being as specific as possible is the key to effective problem solving because it allows you to break down
your problem into easy-to-handle steps.
- You have to understand what you can and can't change.
- Long- and short-term goals must be negotiated.
- As we change, so do our tastes, wants, needs, and goals.
p.176 We need to be careful about our words because by describing something, we bring it into being.
p.198-199 The question "What do you want?" is a great focusing tool... Before you say, "Can
you get me to the point here," try buffering the potential blow with phrases such as "I'm getting a little lost in the details"
or "I'm a simple person and I'm not exactly sure where you'd like me to focus."
p.221 As you've probably noticed, I'm a great fan of paper and pen - when in doubt, whip 'em out! There's
nothing like a blank piece of paper to help us get really focused
