The Nine Fantasies That Will Ruin Your Life and the Eight Realities That Will Save You (Browne 1998)

17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Good suggestions for all aspects of your life., January 20, 2005
By Blaine Greenfield "eclectic reader" (Belle Meade, NJ)

Heard THE NINE FANTASIES THAT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE AND THE EIGHT REALITIES THAT WILL SAVE YOU, written and read by Dr. Joy Brown . . . she's a radio talk show, as well as a licensed clinical psychologist.

I have occasionally heard her on the radio and when I have, I've been impressed with her no-nonsense approach to giving advice . . . she rarely gives sympathy; rather, she gives useful suggestions that apply to marriage, personal relationships, career, finances, health, and all other aspects of your life.

Here, she first presents the fantasies . . . among the ones that most caught my attention were the following:

There's no place like home.
We all assume that everybody else's family is terrific and ours is dysfunctional. Don't believe it for a minute.

Winning the lottery will free me. If money were the key to happiness, millionaires wouldn't have ulcers. They do and it's not.

Good always triumphs.
Life isn't fair. Get used to it. Do the best with what you've got. And no whining.

Dr. Brown then discusses the realities of life . . . these made the most sense to me:

Never tell someone something they already know. Compliment people sincerely and keep nasty thoughts to yourself.

We're responsible for our behavior; feelings just happen. Everybody has bad thoughts. It's bad behavior that separates the good guys from the bad guys.

Romance is the poison of the twentieth century. Unrealistic expectations mean never being satisfied with what you've got, and romance is the ultimate unrealistic expectation.

Reader letters, read and answered by the author, added to my enjoyment of these cassette tapes.

[JLJ - the tough talking, no-nonsense shrink fields the impossibly difficult questions from the confused and clueless and hits each one out of the park. Smack! You can hear Joy Brown connect and engage with each person (at the level they are capable of responding) with decent advice that really might work. A professional at work, a smart cookie, not afraid to be specific and not afraid to challenge.]

p.5 The first test of an idea in action is functional: is it working?

p.5 As we believe, so we behave. In helping people find different ways of acting, I help them look at the source of their ineffective interactions to see what they believe is causing their behavior to bomb. It's not easy.

p.12 Martin, the best place to start with problem-solving is the here and now.

p.62 You can't find the right answer if you haven't found the right question... Asking others for their question allows them to tell you what's important and true for them.

p.64 Specificity [when giving advice] shows that you're really trying to be helpful rather than critical and that you've thought about alternatives.

p.94 When in doubt, start with what you already know.

p.94 Why not take what you know in this successful area of your life and apply it to an area that doesn't work so well?

p.94 Knowing what you don't know is the first step to learning.

p.136 First of all, they need a firm basis in reality that will allow for change without catastrophe. [JLJ - a great idea for a machine playing a game.]

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